Saturday, October 17, 2009

Here's To You Peach

Those of you familiar with The Peach Tart know that this charming Southern sweetheart excels at discovering unique gifts and accessories for women. On her site can be found womanly advice and wonderful things for boobs, makeup, and beyond. Well, it's time we men have equal time. After all, who represents us? Who looks after our best interests? No one, that's who. For far too long we men have been neglected, unappreciated and downright trod upon. Well, as of today, all that has changed. From this day forward, Termites of Sin will earnestly endeavor to seek out and publicize important information and products for men. Yea, even products for "real men." So, with this noble mission in mind, we begin with a necessary accessory for those of you who are, shall I say, graying at the temples. Now, with your bra firmly in place, you can go forth in confidence with a manly voice and avoid the pitfall of the gentleman who visited his doctor because his voice was changing for the worse. Man: Doctor, for some reason my voice is getting high and squeaky. I've just been promoted and my job requires me to address large groups of potential clients. I can't do that with this voice, they'll laugh at me. Following a thorough examination the doctor determined that the problem was the man's dangling testicles and ever-growing penis, now 12" long. Doctor: I'm afraid the problem is your dangling testicles and huge penis. Their weight is such that they are pulling your internal organs downward and stretching your vocal cords which is the cause of your high-pitched voice. Man: Well I can't go on like this. I really need this new promotion. Can anything be done? Doctor: (thoughtfully) There's this wonderful new product called the Nut Bra that can handle the testicles, but the penis, that's a little more complicated. However, I believe it's large enough that we could surgically remove a section in the center. That would take off some more weight and should do the trick. Man: Will it affect my ability to, you know, satisfy my wife? Doctor: I should think, given that you will still be extra large, I should think it would make no difference whatsoever. Sure enough, following the surgery the man's voice was restored to it's normal manly baritone and his new job was going just fine. However, there was a problem, so he revisited his doctor. Man: Doc, the operation was super and I love having my voice back, but... my wife is extremely unhappy and threatens to leave me if my penis is not restored. Do you think you can put the piece back in place? Doctor: (In high squeaky voice) I'm sorry, but that would be impossible.

16 comments:

  1. The Nut Bra? Now I'm trying guess whether this is a figment of your wild imagination or whether it actually is a real product!

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  2. I already have a Manssiere, a Nut Bra would be very complementary, must be the right color though.

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  3. I found that rather painful to watch. I can see that happening to me.

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  4. Yes, the Nut Bra. Have one myself... highly recommended. I would skip the operation however.

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  5. This is no doubt an important product. As long as it's machine washable and doesn't need ironing, put me down for 10 of them.

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  6. My nuts dangling in the toilet after dropping a log that kept bumping into them was the single situation that ended thirty years of going commando. I made the mistake of giving a courtesy flush that final day of being in the...errr..."special forces" and the problem only became more evident as I fished my balls out of the J trap. Aging is hell on every body.

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  7. Matthew... order noted.
    WM... Too much information. Now I'll have nightmares for sure.

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  8. Mr. Charleston - I'm so glad to have found a male counterpart to keep the wonderful men in the blogosphere attuned to all the latest and greatest products for men.

    I love the idea of the nut bra. It's light, flexible and lets your ball sack breathe, unlike the classic jock strap.

    I'm putting it on my Christmas buying list for all my over 50 male friends. Keep up the good work at making all men feel that saggy nuts don't have to cause you to hide in your living room in shame. Bravo!

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  9. Huge fan of Peach and Matthew.
    And quite possibly, now, you.

    Loved this post. I'm staying...

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  10. Thank you Peach. I thought of you when I saw this and knew I had to post it.
    JenJen... Thanks for stopping by. Hope to see you again. Please leave a note when visiting.

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  11. hey Mr. C...

    http://bellascellardoor.blogspot.com/

    please update your link for my music blog. I changed it! It is no longer "let the music play on" but is now The Cellar ... whole new design.

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  12. RYC: I grew up in a "normal" family and us four boys still fought like cats and dogs....But, where the hell have you been DonnaJean? Haven't seen you 'round my place in a while.

    FOUR boys? Lord have mercy, yer mother musta had HER hands full. Just shoot me NOW. I'd hang myself if I had four of MY sons. Two of 'em is more than enuff for me.

    Secondly, I truly wanna apologize to ya. I am soooo sorry for dissin' yer blog as of late but I really dunno WHAT the hell happened here. Besides me bein' outta commission while waitin' for a new harddrive those few weeks, I've got NO excuse. But I think I see WHY I ain't been here. I don't think I ever signed up to "follow" ya (and poor pitiful stupid me was wonderin' why I wasn't seein' any posts from ya) but that's all been fixed now. It may take this ol' brain o' mine a while to catch on but eventually I get it.

    So come on, Mr. Charleston....show me whatcha got! ;-)

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  13. P.S. and if ya happen to be wearin' one of those Nut Bras, I'll even let ya show me THAT, too.

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Sorry about the comment thingy folks. Too much spam.