Here's To You Peach

Those of you familiar with The Peach Tart know that this charming Southern sweetheart excels at discovering unique gifts and accessories for women. On her site can be found womanly advice and wonderful things for boobs, makeup, and beyond. Well, it's time we men have equal time. After all, who represents us? Who looks after our best interests? No one, that's who. For far too long we men have been neglected, unappreciated and downright trod upon. Well, as of today, all that has changed. From this day forward, Termites of Sin will earnestly endeavor to seek out and publicize important information and products for men. Yea, even products for "real men." So, with this noble mission in mind, we begin with a necessary accessory for those of you who are, shall I say, graying at the temples. Now, with your bra firmly in place, you can go forth in confidence with a manly voice and avoid the pitfall of the gentleman who visited his doctor because his voice was changing for the worse. Man: Doctor, for some reason my voice is getting high and squeaky. I've just been promoted and my job requires me to address large groups of potential clients. I can't do that with this voice, they'll laugh at me. Following a thorough examination the doctor determined that the problem was the man's dangling testicles and ever-growing penis, now 12" long. Doctor: I'm afraid the problem is your dangling testicles and huge penis. Their weight is such that they are pulling your internal organs downward and stretching your vocal cords which is the cause of your high-pitched voice. Man: Well I can't go on like this. I really need this new promotion. Can anything be done? Doctor: (thoughtfully) There's this wonderful new product called the Nut Bra that can handle the testicles, but the penis, that's a little more complicated. However, I believe it's large enough that we could surgically remove a section in the center. That would take off some more weight and should do the trick. Man: Will it affect my ability to, you know, satisfy my wife? Doctor: I should think, given that you will still be extra large, I should think it would make no difference whatsoever. Sure enough, following the surgery the man's voice was restored to it's normal manly baritone and his new job was going just fine. However, there was a problem, so he revisited his doctor. Man: Doc, the operation was super and I love having my voice back, but... my wife is extremely unhappy and threatens to leave me if my penis is not restored. Do you think you can put the piece back in place? Doctor: (In high squeaky voice) I'm sorry, but that would be impossible.