Friday, March 30, 2012

2nd Annual Worst and Best Driver Awards

"People leave their manners at home when they get behind the wheel"... my Mom.

Last year I published a list of the best and worst drivers in Baja Georgia and it caused such a ruckus I've decided to do it again.  Nothing scientific about these rankings, they're just observations from my experiences in traffic here in Baja, Georgia colored by my own prejudice and bigotry and so, as such, there is no margin of error in these rankings, they are the 100% accurate opinions of a single observer, me.  Of course, there are exceptions to every rule but for the most part, the rankings below are spot-on accurate.

Now, I could also talk about the drivers in South Florida where I journey occasionally, but down there they've got this weird species known as Snow Birds who completely skew the bell curve so I'm just gonna leave it alone.   And then, I also spend some time in North Carolina, but my impressions there are so favorable that I suspect that to them, I'm the Snow Bird and that their courtesy is driven by them just trying to get the hell out of my way.  So, I'm going to stick to what I know, Baja Georgia, for these rankings but I would be anxious to hear your thoughts regarding the drivers in your area of domicile.

At any rate, here they are:   The Worst & Best Driver Awards 2012.

6.  Most Worst Discourteous Drivers - Black Women

Black women of all ages.  Need a break in traffic?  Forget it.  Need for them to close up the eight car spaces between them and the car ahead so that you can pull around them to make a turn?  Forget it.  Black women won't give you a second thought, regardless of your color or sex.  And it's deliberate.  It isn't that they don't notice you, they do, but in this Age of Entitlement they are just flat obstinate.

I suppose they are entitled to a little anger in-so-far-as most of them have been abandoned by their men to raise their brood by themselves and they work their asses off to still live in near poverty, but that doesn't give them the right to take it out on everyone else.  As courteous drivers go, black women suck.

5.  Next Most Worst Discourteous Drivers - Youth

Youth of all colors and creed.  Most likely to cut you off.  Most likely to flip you off.  Most likely to deafen you with that noise they call music.  Most likely to sit through half a light while fucking with their cell phones.  Snotty little assholes.

4.  Next Most Worst Discourteous Drivers -  Anyone who drives an expensive German car.

The last to give you a break but the first to get out of your way if you show any aggressive driving behavior at all.  Don't want to scratch their precious metal in a collision with the hoy poloi I suppose.

3.  Happy Median Sometimes Yes, Sometimes No, Drivers -  Everyone Else.

2.  Next to Best Most Courteous Drivers - Older White Women

Older white women are usually just cruising through life not wishing anyone any harm and are pretty much oblivious to the world around them, but should through some strange happenstance they actually notice that you need some room, they are happy to extend the courtesy.  Usually accompanied by a nice smile.  Then they simply go about doing whatever it is they where doing while causing a collision between two other drivers who are trying to avoid them as they casually make a left turn from the far right lane at the next light. 

1.  The Best Most Courteous Drivers -  Good Old Boys In Pickups

Doesn't matter color or creed, good old boys in pickup trucks are by far the most likely to extend courtesy in traffic, by far the most likely to stop and help out when you have car trouble.  And the best part, they give you a friendly wave while doing it.

I can't figure out how it is that they are so considerate of other people in traffic while at the same time being pro-war, pro-guns, pro-death penalty, pro-fuck the poor, anti-gay, anti-art, anti-environment, anti-anything that can be even remotely considered anti-American, especially them foreign Ragheads.  But that's the way it is.


It's a strange, strange world in which we live.

29 comments:

  1. Hey, at least I made it to number two. (Guess I'll have to try harder!) You left out a couple big demographic groups for the Atlanta area: Asians and Hispanics. Generally speaking, I hate generalities,(HA!) but it sure seems like all the Asians I run into on the road (not literally) drive sooooooo slow with a 10-2 death grip on the steering wheel, it makes me crazy. And God help you if you have to wait for one of them to back out of a spot. The Hispanics generally (again, that insensitive word) fall into two categories ... the ones driving a blinged out (lotsa chrome and neon) vehicle with a blaring bone-thumping radio, and little regard for other drivers on the road ... or waaaay too careful drivers, much like the Asian drivers. I figure the way too careful ones are either illegal immigrants, unlicensed, have no insurance, or maybe encompass a grand trifecta of all three. There! Politically incorrect enough for ya?

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    1. I only clicked on the Reply button because that was the only way I could leave a comment:

      Interesting observations. I really can't form any stereotypes of my own, because every time I form one, the next umpteen drivers of that same description are the exact opposite. Every time I think to myself "oh great, it's some F$#%&!!!#! driving a Porsche, he probably won't let me change lanes," it ends up "Oh. Hey, thanks." Etc.

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    2. Hey, I drive with a death grip on the wheel in Atlanta. Whattaya think I'm crazy?

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  2. The rednecks up here in South Carolina would not make the Most Courteous Drivers list. I think it has something to do with the water in these parts. They're a crazy bunch.

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  3. Our Snowbirds stay for a few months in summer. They park in the middle of a 55 mph road to take a picture of a bear or a moose in a swamp without realizing that there may be another vehicle on the road trying hard not to kill them.

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    1. Maybe they're Sun Birds from Florida. Worst than Snow Birds... maybe.

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  4. Sometimes I wonder if drivers south of the Mason-Dixon line know what a turn signal is and how to operate it.

    I have a German flag for my "license plate" on the front of my vehicle, which is a little Japanese car. People generally seem to like this combo; they are usually quite friendly to me in traffic.

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    1. Down here turn signals don't work. You have to discern which way the driver is leaning. Now Pixel... it could be that people are friendly because, like me in North Carolina, they see you coming and get out of the way. Just sayin'. However, people in Lakeland seem to be a pretty friendly lot.

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  5. Some yo yo said that we should enjoy the journey ‘cause there is nothing on the other side that is as much fun, anyway down here in south Florida I work on an upscale island community, two ways on and off, when you see the bridge you are leaving.
    We have so far as I can see for now 5 Ferraris, 3 Bentleys, and several rolls new and old; I have to say they all give you lots of room. The Ferraris rarely venture out with more than 3 cars in sight. But the most careful and courteous drivers are the Hispanic Yardmen driving to work in the yards of the Ferrari owners.

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  6. Well, after all, the hoity toity set are always courteous aren't they? I can just imagine Jose tiptoeing through the land mines of Upscale Island. One misstep and poof! All gone. Errrrr.

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  7. Love the good old boys. I just figure they like to talk and don't believe any of the ka-ka they say. It just sounds good to them.

    Being one of the old lady drivers, I'm kind of like the expensive German car drivers in that I avoid getting hit like the plague and essentially don't care what the rest of you do. If you want to go first, more power to you.

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    1. I love old lady drivers who stay the hell out of the way. That's the way it should be.

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  8. Glad I made it to catagory 2, just wish I still had a car. In my town it is the Asians that are most cluelesss to how to drive, or how to walk for that matter. Infuriating.

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    1. Not having a car clearly places you in first place. There are no more courteous drivers than those who don't drive at all.

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  9. quite funny and likely as accurate as any other poll. nothing like a good parody to get the juices flowing... or is that irony.... or both?

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    1. Parody? What parody? These are the 100% accurate observations of a somewhat demented, totally prejudiced old fart and therefore, the unassailable truth!

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  10. There are no courteous drivers here so scratch #1 for the rest of Detroit that about covers it here too.

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    1. Could be that YOU are the most courteous driver in Detroit! Fat old balding white guys who see life as a sonnet could be next year's #1 category!

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    2. Does it come with a cash stipend and an Oreo?

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  11. Well I'd have to disagree with you on the last one. Hate the aggressive motherfuckers in giant peckerwood pickups. In general they try to prove their penis size by running up your car's ass as close as possible. Mayor of Truckville, my skinny ass. Otherwise, Nebraskan drivers are more or less ok. But understand, I have lived in L.A. and Miami where one has to assume the mobile (read that as Mo-byle) equivalent attitude of Attila the Hun to survive.

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    1. Now, now JJ. Sounds like a case of penis envy to me. Sounds like deep down you dream of yourself in a giant red duely crew cab with a huge set of chrome balls hanging from the trailer hitch, there of course to move your home when the need arises.

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  12. Interesting list. I also hate all of the driver ineptitudes and discourtesies that you mentioned. But I haven't really noticed any correlation between F$#%&!#!$#!!! drivers and the driver's age, race, gender, make of car, etc.

    Since some of you are talking about turn signals, sometimes it seems like the only time people use their turn signals is when they're going along in the left lane with their left blinker permanently on.

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    1. For you a survey of types of cars rather than types of drivers is in order. Similar to the expensive German car thing. People who drive Hondas are more apt to... etc.

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  13. All of you Americans drive like careful old ladies, blimey, I'd fall asleep on the motorways, if I kept to US speed limits.

    White van drivers (yes, really) are the most discourteous drivers in the UK. Here in the hills we drive how we like and park where we like, it's part of the deal if you agree to come and live here. And everybody waits when the drivers of two cars in opposing directions in front of you stop in the middle of the road for a chat. You wouldn't be able to get past them, the roads are too narrow.

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    1. Maybe it's been a while since you've been here, see Susan's comment about Atlanta. Although I must say, compared to France and Italy when I was there many years ago, we are indeed choir children.

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  14. Ha over here van or pickup drivers are both my favourite and worst type of drivers. On the motorway they are a liability, undertaking and tailgating like nobody else (well, nobody other than the drivers of expensive German cars). However in 'urban' zones they are the best, letting you in, sensible in every way.

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    1. Seems you and Friko have the same experience with van drivers. Therefore, 100% accurate with no margin of error. I must say my survey was based on urban driving. You're right. One the highway, the heavy trucks are a menace.

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