Sunday, February 19, 2012

Medicare, or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love... The Gun?

How many sleepless nights have you laid there, wide awake, eyes staring at the ceiling, wondering what on earth you are going to do?  There's to many bills and not enough money.  Can't find a job and the house is in foreclosure.  All the while your elected officials, in the guise of saving the country, are slowly taking apart Social Security and Medicare.  What on earth are you going to do?

Well, worry no longer.  Have I got a plan for you.  At last, a program that will guarantee you lifelong security while helping improve the government and the economy at the same time.  Sound too good to be true?  Well, this is change you can really believe in.

It's called... Three Hots and a Cot!  It's easy and it's fun.  Here's how it works in 2 easy steps.

1)  Each senior, 65 or older, gets a gun and 4 bullets.  (Gun and ammunition sales spur employment, helping the economy.)

2)  You are allowed to shoot four politicians.  (Abrupt term limits.  Greatly improving a responsive government.)

And here's the best part!  This means you will be sent to prison where you will get three meals a day, a roof over your head, central heat and air-conditioning, regularly scheduled outdoor exercise and all the health care you need.  Need new teeth?  No problem.  Need glasses?  Ditto.  A new hip, knees, kidney, lungs or heart?  They're all covered.  And as an added bonus, your kids can come and visit you as often as they do now!

And who is going to pay for all of this?  Not to worry.  It won't cost you a dime.  In fact, THEY WILL PAY YOU to make license plates and other useful items.  Plus, since you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay any taxes!!  Wow!  How can you beat that?

Don't take any chances.  Register now, before it's too late and Congress no longer has a quorum.  Click on the picture below, NOW, for your no-obligation free trial and tour of prison facilities.

 

19 comments:

  1. Ok, I see where the link directs me to. Does that mean we have to go to the clink in Nebraska?
    Otherwise, it's a sound plan.

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  3. God save us, because I support this message.

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  4. Intelli... Ummm. Hadn't thought about that. How about Knoxville? P.S., I don't think JJ knows about it yet.

    BB... God help us indeed.

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  5. Well, if we shoot those politicians who are presently in office, I think we would get to go to a federal penn, which I hear are much nicer than the state ones.

    Given the times, I think I need to leave a caveat of sorts here. --Just joking.

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  6. In addition to the 3 hots and a cot and free medical care, there's another benefit you forgot to mention: Sex. And lots of it. With multiple partners.

    Every time you bend over in the shower -- or anywhere for that matter -- you'll suddenly find yourself in the middle of a huge orgy.

    Hot Damn! I'm gonna go shoot me a politician Now!

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  7. Rubye... hopefully one of the "country club" prisons.

    Tom... Dang, I missed the best part.

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  8. Wha da fuck? What do you have against weenie puppies? Intell, I am surprised you didn't take umbrage to that and put one of your bullets aside for Charleston.

    Which brings up a question...do the four bullets have to be used on politicians? Could one of them have a MiL's name on it? I mean, that's got to be just a technicality, right? Although, that might not be a good idea in my case, as my MiL's dumb fuck boy friend is a state prison guard. Never mind.

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  9. Jail even has slightly less rape than most old folks homes.

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  10. I haven't got anything against weenie puppies, I just wanted to give people some idea of what to expect. What better place than a banquet?

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  11. I have always considered retiring to the prison system for just the benefits you mentioned. When all I have is finally gone, all it takes is walking into a bank with a finger in a pocket pointing at someone and say, "give me all your money." You're in like Flynn.

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  12. Somebody is going to wimp out and only use two bullets. May I have the remaining two? I could, with a little luck, take out a weenie puppy and 5 politicks.

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  13. The value added is that PETA will be on board for my being put away for a long time.

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  14. I need help.....it all made sense to me.

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  15. Now you've solved the US's problems could you come over here and solve ours?

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