Saturday, December 4, 2010

Naked Full-Body Scans Ain't All Bad

I don't know what all the fuss surrounding full-body scans at the airport is all about.  Maybe we should examine some of the positive aspects, which I did in this post, first published some months ago.

Originally, passengers had to remove their jackets when passing through airport security. Then it was belts, and soon shoes had to come off too. But those who feared that losing one's trousers was the next logical step find scant comfort in the x-ray machine that produces "naked" images of passengers being introduced in airports all around the world.

As well as enabling staff to instantly spot any hidden weapons or explosives, the full-body scanner leaves little to the imagination of airport security. It will reveal a clear outline of passengers genitalia, as well as any false limbs, breast enlargements or body piercings.

Travelers can refuse to undergo the virtual strip  and choose an even more invasive "pat down" search instead, according to the TSA, which admits that some travelers feel uncomfortable about using the new technology.  

I can understand how many people would be nervous about this type thing, but let me tell you, apart from sniffing out smugglers, terrorists, sado-masochists and the like, it can also sniff out some information that can be of great value to you. Let me explain.

Some of my blogging buddies might remember me introducing you to a new friend I had met at the races.  I was really excited, and flattered, that such a fine young hottie was interested in me, not exactly a spring chicken.  We hit it off really well and decided to keep in touch.

Over the ensuing weeks and months we've communicated regularly via phone and email (I live in Baja Georgia and she, being a racing driver and all, travels all over the world.) Well, it being the off-season for racing drivers, and both of us being very pleased with the progression of our friendship, we decided to take the relationship to the next level and spend the weekend together at a romantic get-a-way in sunny Acapulco.  

The plan was for us to meet in Las Vegas and fly down together. I was ecstatic, couldn't wait to get there. I stocked up on B12 and Viagra and I was ready, ready Teddy to rock n roll. But when we got to Acapulco, the whole thing fell apart, and not a moment too soon either. It turned out that Acapulco airport uses naked-image scanners and when my beautiful friend walked through, I got the shock of my life.

Holy Cow! It looked like I wasn't the only one ready to rock n roll!  Fortunately, a big, burly security guard scooped her... er, him, up and carried him away and I've never seen him again.  

Let me tell you, this incident gave a whole new meaning to the term "boy racer."  

When it came my turn to go through the machine I was really nervous. In fact, the girl running the machine must have been really nervous as well as she asked me to pass through it three times. I don't have any idea what she was looking for, I could have told her I wasn't packing anything.

However, the whole thing turned out OK. No sooner had I finished when the security girl, a really sweet and more mature senorita, said she really felt sorry for me and my dilemma and asked if I had a place to stay that evening. Then immediately another girl asked if I would like to come to her place where she would make me dinner. A third girl wanted to be sure I had a hot bath. 

I have no idea what it was that generated such interest, but it sure was a hell of a weekend!


  1. Dude you know you photo shopped your hat onto my head...WTF!!

  2. You gotta look out for those scanners WM. Anything can happen.

  3. This most unexpected turn in the blog post was surprising for sure but funny as hell. I might even get Husband, who largely hates blogs, to read this and enjoy it.

    On a related note, I am traveling to Arizona next week and am desperately trying to get myself in better shape so I do not completely embarrass myself while passing through.

  4. JJ... Na na na na naaaa na. You're just jealous.

    Diane... a snort is in order here.

    Gropie... I wouldn't be too worried, just look at the people running the machines.

  5. You could make an excellent smuggler, just put the contraband in your hat and go through a scanner a woman is running, they'll never notice!

  6. When I came to Philly, my son was four. The Chicago guards were sure we were smuggling something. What an ordeal! And all we needed was a body scan.


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