10. Life is sexually transmitted.
9. Good health is simply the slowest rate at which one can die.
8. Men have two emotions: hungry and horny. If he doesn't have an erection, give him a sandwich.
7. Teach a person to fish and you feed him for a day. Teach them to use the internet and they won't bother you for weeks.
6. Some people are like a slinky, not really good for anything but still fun to push down the stairs.
5. Health nuts are going to feel stupid one day while laying in a hospital dying of nothing.
4. Why does a "slight tax increase" cost you $800, but a "substantial tax cut" saves you $30?
3. All of us can take a lesson from the weather, it pays no attention to criticism.
2. In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now that the world really is weird, people take Prozac to make it normal.
1. Life is like a jar of jalapeno peppers, what you do today might burn your ass tomorrow.
Number 9. So if I wish you good health, I'm really wishing you a slow death?
ReplyDeletelgs... hummm. Not to fond of the health ones myself. But if one makes you smile, it's been worthwhile!
ReplyDeleteLove these. #3 is a good reminder for me. And I looove jalapeno poppers.
ReplyDeleteGreat list, I cracked up over #3...and then I told my hubby (who was eating at the time, and not laughing).
ReplyDeleteTrue words of wisdom. I especially like #1, that's why I always follow up with some ice cream.
ReplyDeleteGropius... had me confused until Diane mentioned her husband eating... now I get it. #3 is actually #8. That being #3 in order, #8 on the list??? Geez, now I'm really confused.
ReplyDeleteTex... It seems that ice cream is a pretty good follow-up for all of these.
Not a bad one in the bunch! #4 hurts. #8 does not take into account...fish sandwiches...solves both problems.
ReplyDeleteSoooo, was Tex talking about #1 or #10, because I'd like to follow up Life with some ice cream if that would be o.k.
ReplyDelete