The other night, about one in the morning, I suddenly awoke from a sound sleep. One second asleep, the next, eyes wide open. There was a strange presence in the room, as if someone was looming over me. A strange darkness with no shape or form. Then it was gone.
The dog was sound asleep at the foot of the bed so I knew instinctively that there was no intruder. No, what woke me from my sleep was something else. Something else altogether. I was shaken. Not scared, but shaken, anxious, curious.
I have been awakened by ominous nightmares ever since the gulf oil disaster. It's as if Armageddon really is here. Our days on this planet as a species really are numbered. 2012 might well seal the deal. But no, it wasn't that either. This was different. I have no recollection of a bad dream. If anything, I was in a dreamless sleep.
I began to worry that I was having a stroke or a heart attack. Of course, just the very thought of that brought on all sorts of heart attack symptoms. I've often thought that I really don't have to worry to much about a heart attack or terminal cancer or anything like that killing me because as soon as I realize I'm having one, or the doc gives me the bad news, I'm going to die of fright right on the spot.
I do have an irregular heart that sometimes decides to take some time off. It first happened when I was very young. I was in the military. Scared the crap out of me. I jumped out of bed and raced to the infirmary only to have the medic on duty make me jog in place. I thought at the time that the guy was a lunatic. I'm having a heart attack and this joker wants me to run track?
Turns out, of course, that that was exactly the right thing to do and I've since learned that all it takes to get the old ticker back on track are a few deep breaths. Or, ignore it altogether and sort of dwell in the moment of the weird place between life and death until it starts going on its own, which so far, it always has.
No, it wasn't that either.
As I lay there with all of this running through my head I realized that I had heartburn and that I had to pee. So, I got up, took an Alka Seltzer and a leak, and went back to bed.
WTF?
ReplyDeleteBe careful with that Alka Seltzer, it contains an awful lot of sodium! ;)
ReplyDeleteI agree, it is scary to have some formless shadow hovering over you. No wonder you had heartburn.
WHAT? THAT'S IT? That's the ending? You had gas and were leaking? Outta here.
ReplyDeleteYou don't got shit, Jack. Or, is that, you don't got Jack, shit.
ReplyDeleteHey, guys, I know Jack Shite. Works for BP over to Louzzzanna, on one of them there owlll rigs. Think the name was something like DeepShit Whore's Sun. I havn't heard from him in a while. Wonder how he is doing?
ReplyDeleteBull, you don't know Jack Shite!
ReplyDeleteThat's Jack Shiite numbskull.
ReplyDeleteNo. I must say to you, that I do not know Jack Shiite! I met him once while exploring a cave in northern Kentucky. He was quite frighting! Did not like visited by anyone. Turns out Jack Shite is his cousin and said to me that we should leave the cave as quickly as possible. So we did. No. I do not know Jack Shitte!
ReplyDeleteOh, THAT Jack Shiite. That's my cousin up in Kentucky.
ReplyDeleteNothing worse than a feeling of panic...or confusion...in the middle of the night. There's something primal about it but subconscious thoughts mixed in with a half-baked sense of awareness can be quite unnerving. In that state of just waking, who knows what's real and what isn't? Glad the pee seemed to do the trick.
ReplyDeleteJJ... I thought you were married to your cousin in Kentucky.
ReplyDeleteNope, I saw how it worked out for you, and backed out.
ReplyDeleteYou mean pulled out, don't you?
ReplyDeleteI should have known you would know that C, since you are considered an expert on inbreeding.
ReplyDeleteSorry Gropius, didn't mean to ignore you, but as you can see I've been carrying on an imbecilic conversation with someone who shall go un-named.
ReplyDeleteOK, OK... uncle! Or in your case, cousin, JJ.
ReplyDeleteI defer to your sister...the one in your family with class, except of course the incident. It is a good sign that the media has relegated the story to the back page, however.
ReplyDeleteI had heartburn the other night too. I ate those damn carnie-style fries in a cup.
ReplyDeleteGetcha ever' time.
Sometimes an Alka Seltzer and a leak is just what the doctor ordered.
ReplyDelete