1. Go to a secondhand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work boots.
2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine.
3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.
4. Leave a note on your door that reads:
Bubba,
Bertha, Duke, Slim an me went for mor beer. be bak in an our.
Don't mess with tha dawgs. Dey got the maleman this mornin and messed im up real good. I do not tink Killer took part in it but it was hard to tell from all the blood. Any how I locked all four of em in tha house.
Better wate outside. Be right bak
Cooter
Do #'s 1 & 2, and you wouldn't even have to leave the note!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHow does one write that in spanish?
ReplyDeleteWill this work for Jehovah Witnesses?
ReplyDeleteHaha. Excellent.
ReplyDeleteBarbara... not around here.
ReplyDeletePunch... Loco moco burrito toledo tamale
JJ... yes, only you have to replace guns and ammo magazine with a slightly burned bible.
Simon... thanks, anxiously awaiting your next post.
Not even joking, but someone recently came to speak to our staff about preventing crime. He suggested the dog dish and note trick. It wasn't nearly as funny, but he did suggest it would work. We would try it here, but we actually do have a pit mix and Husband and his friends can be a little...redneck...sometimes. No guns though. But the magazine is a nice touch!
ReplyDeleteGropius dawlin'... down heah in Baja Gawgia we're all a little redneck... sometimes.
ReplyDeleteFantastic idea. Even better if you leave the bloodied remains of the mail-man's clothes scattered about the drive.
ReplyDeletemuchas gracias
ReplyDeleteI'd need to write it in Cantonese.
ReplyDeleteYou are assuming literacy in the thief. My experience is that they would drop the note and steal the boots before going into the house. No shoe prints that way.
ReplyDeleteGood one!
ReplyDeleteBut it hits pretty close to home, I'm always getting gun literature and I have great big dogs, I'm always going out to buy beer, at least my feet aren't that big.