Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Blow Gabriel, Blow

I was recently told a story about a young woman's experience upon entering Seminary you might find interesting.

On her second week there, she, along with her fellow freshman classmates, was summoned to the fellowship area where the Mother Superior assigned the newcomers their chores.  The chores were mostly what you would expect, things like kitchen and maintenance duties as well as alter duties in the cathedral. 

What made this seminary different was that it belongs to the order of The Sisters of Mercy and graduates become registered nurses as well as nuns.  Accordingly, part of the students' duties is working in the nearby assisted living facility for retired priests and nuns, a place where they can get hands-on nursing experience.

As anyone who has ever been in such a facility knows, the nurse's duties can range from feeding and giving medications to their patients, to bathing and dressing them.  It turned out that such was the case for Sister Clara who had to bathe and dress an old priest after he soiled his bed.

After about a week or so, it became apparent that Sister Clara was devoting an inordinate amount of attention to the old Father and, being somewhat concerned, the Mother Superior called the youngster into her office for a conference.

When quizzed about the amount of time being spent on this particular patient the young nurse explained that whenever she bathed the Father he would get an erection, something not uncommon and something the nurses were taught to ignore.  However, this case was different as the Father was particularly well endowed and it was sort of a running joke among the Sisters.

According to my source, the conversation went something like this;

Mother Superior; "Yes my child, we are all aware of Father Benjamin's condition, so tell me, what happened."

Sister Clara; "Well, as I said, when I was bathing him, he got very excited.  I tried to ignore it, as you instructed Mother, but he insisted that it was the key to heaven and that I had the lock.  He said if he could just put his key into my lock we would both experience heaven.  And you know what Mother?  He was right!

Mother Superior;  "Why that son-of-a-bitch!  He told me it was Gabriel's trumpet!"


  1. We used to joke with my mother and call her Mother Superior. Isn't that incredibly awesome? You even have the capitalization to go with it.

  2. Classic, and I wouldn't expect anything more from you!

  3. Haha. Nice one. You should try reading the story from the Decameron ‘Putting the Devil into Hell’ – just to show that they managed to come up with things like this in the 14th century.

  4. Gropius... one has to respect their elders you know.

    Mo... Great minds think alike.

  5. Thank you for turning me on to Cheeta's Choice Simon. What a great site. My only regret is that I can no longer serve God as much as I would like. But, of course, these days I have no fresh hell, only hell no more devoted to God than I.

  6. ah, I click over here to read the latest edition and what do I get? A much needed dose of comic relief. my thanks :)

  7. ....and then I see the banner updated and crack up.

  8. Happy I could make you laugh ladies. Always a pleasure whenever ya'll drop by.

  9. I heard that he told Sister Margaret that he suspected that she had been drinking and that it was a "breathalyzer".


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