The Devil Made Me Do It

Most of us plod through life burdened by a mantel of guilt. Guilt of sins we have committed and guilt of things we have left undone. Oh, the weight of it all hangs so heavily upon our tired, aching shoulders.

But Wait! There is hope! In his never ceasing quest to lift the burdens of mankind and shine a light unto the darkness, Mr. Charleston has discovered something of great import to his long suffering blogospherian comrades.

It turns out that your proclivity for sin depends on where you live.

Recently, a team at Kansas State University served up a feast: maps of the 7 Deadly Sins created by plotting per-capita stats on things like theft (envy) and STDs (lust). Christian clergy, likely noting the Bible Belt's status as Wrath Central, question the "science" behind this study, but who are they, charlatans and pedophiles, to question the veracity of such a noble institution?

Below, color coded for your convenience, are the areas of the country infested by a particular sin. If you live in one of these areas, you may well consider moving. Moving either to an area less infected by that particular sin, or moving to an area with a concentration of sin more to your liking. Either way, you can rest, assured of the fact that responsibility for you sins, weakling though you may be, does not fall entirely on your shoulders.

Greed

Average income compared with number of people living below the poverty line.

Envy

Total thefts (robbery, burglary, larceny, and grand theft auto) per capita.

Wrath

Number of violent crimes (murder, assault, and rape) per capita.

Sloth

Expenditures on art, entertainment, and recreation compared with employment.

Gluttony

Number of fast-food restaurants per capita.

Lust

Number of STD cases reported per capita.

Pride

Aggregate of the other six offenses—because pride is the root of all sin.

So there you have it fellow travelers. Do with it what you will.