Turkey Day Advice - for Men

(First- go to video and hit stop. We’ll get to that later)

OK men, listen up. In a past blog, Termites of Sin promised to search the world over for goodly advice and commodities of use for us men folk. With the holiday season upon us, Mr. Charleston has something to share that will, no doubt, stand you in good stead for the entire season.

I know the holiday season is always a trying one for you, just as it is for me. In my case, assigned menial tasks while my opinions about how things should be done are ignored, all the while being chastised for not being more helpful. I long ago figured out that I was going to be in trouble no matter what I did, so I might as well enjoy myself with copious helpings of egg nogg and rum along the way. It seems to have worked as now, come the evening of the festivities, the women folk pretty much leave me alone as I’m mostly useless anyway. Makes for a very pleasant evening.

But to the business at hand. First, a helpful hint for conversation around the festive table. This little knol of knowledge is certain to cement your place as head of the household and master of all.

Your guests (and hopefully family too) will be astounded to learn that the very first Thanksgiving feast on this continent had nothing to do with Pilgrims or turkeys, although it did involve Indians, in this case, the Tejas. On May 23, 1541, at Palo Duro Canyon in Texas, Francisco Vasques de Coronado and a group of Tejas Indians celebrated his expedition’s discovery of… food! There is no record of the menu, but is believed to have involved cactus, beans, and a Road Runner.

A “second” Thanksgiving took place over twenty years later, on September 8, 1565, after Pedro Menendez de Aviles landed in Florida and founded the settlement of St. Augustine. He and his 2,000 men are believed to have shared a feast with the Timucuan Indians before attacking the nearby French colony of Fort Caroline where they slaughtered everyone—men, women and children—and hung the dead from trees.

To quote George Carlin from the previous post, “My God’s got a bigger dick than your God.” Although, in this case, it was the same god, different hat.

The Thanksgiving that we celebrate today, held at Plymouth Colony in 1621, only became a holiday when Franklin Roosevelt passed a bill in 1941 establishing the fourth Thursday in November as the official national holiday.

Now that you've wowed them with your brilliance, you can now impress them with your sensitivity. The next bit of good information is contained in the video below.

Every man should know something about how to cook a turkey. Not that you are expected to, nor even allowed to touch it, but occasional knowledgeable comments about the preparations, etc. will make the women folk feel good knowing that you appreciate their skills. Particular attention should be paid to the vocalizations as repeating these in the kitchen while preperations are underway will prove, without doubt, that you are indeed, a Masterbaster and deserving of respect.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AYqglfUyc3w