Thursday, August 13, 2009

You Can't Make This Shit Up ... Part 2

A Jacksonville, FL woman who said she is Jesus Christ's wife was charged with fraud Monday when she tried to purchase a car with a bad check.

Emma Kim-Tashis Harrison, 25, walked into the Coggin Pontiac dealership on Blanding Boulevard looking for some new wheels. She settled on a vehicle that cost almost $70,000, (A $70,000 Pontiac?? WTF) but things hit a snag when she grabbed her checkbook, according to a Jacksonville Sheriff's Office arrest report. A representative from a bank in California informed the dealership's financial manager that the account Harrison supplied was bad. So were the names on the check. It was signed "Mr. and Mrs. Jesus and Emma Christ." Officers who detained Harrison found a host of credit cards and checks in her purse, some issued to Emma Harrison and others made out to Emma Christ. She said she doesn't work but owns "a traveling Web site that people just deposit money into," (I'll wager this has something to do with Punch) according to the report.

Investigators also discovered Harrison has never had a driver's license. She was charged with organized fraud, forging bank bills and uttering forged bills — all felonies. She remains in the Duval County jail without bail. And where was her husband in all this? She said Jesus Christ would return next week to sign the paperwork and pick up the car.


  1. I'll have you know that J.C. and I were haveing a round or so at the Jug. He said the ol' lady was buying a new set of wheels and was in for a shock. Seems he had cleaned out the account that morning. Said He wanted to buy a Prius and she, this big ass Pontiac, for Christ's sake(he chuckled at this point). He said she was just a nag these days, what with Him not following up the Dumbya's starting Armageddon and all. Anyway the last is saw of Him was a glimpse of a smile on His face as He walked out the door with petite thing they all call Pinky. Guess that is why He was waving his pinky at me. Makes sense now. Thanks for the post.

  2. Being married to crazy Emma, it's no wonder that J.C. was hanging out in bars and hitting on the lovely Miss Pinky. Of course she should have known that J.C. would drive a Prius. Emma has lost touch with WWJD.

  3. God, that's why I left Florida. There are people like that everywhere. It's crawling with idiots.

  4. I would have arrested the dealer who tried to sell a Pontiac for 70k. Emma you can come home now. I have your '92 Honda all fixed up.

  5. Punch... So, JC sent his old lady out to buy a car knowing there was no money in the account? Sounds like he takes after his father. BTW, did you lean which cigar JC prefers?

    Peach... just proves everyone is stressed out these days!

    Indantatia... Ah, you might want to reconsider, Mrs. Christ is from California, the original land of fruits and nuts. Not to say we don't have our share here in the Sunshine State.

    WM... My first thought exactly, however, I think this purchase has something to do with the gas guzzler rebate... there's a little known clause about buying one. Apparently there's some kind of dealer rebate to get rid of them.

  6. Mary Magdalene must be pretty pissed off by now.

  7. I don't even know where to start with this one. You made it up...right?

    OK, so some bank issued a credit card to someone named Emma Christ. Which of course is a common name...I run into it every day.

    Then, I am assuming, the SAME bank opened a checking account for Jesus and Emma Christ. And she has never had a driver's license, which, when I last opened a bank account in California...1980!, was a basic requirement. Soooooo, picking up on walking man's thought, I'm thinking the car dealer, AND the bank offical who opened her account, need arresting.

    As to Mr. Jesus, it occurs to me, after looking at Mrs. Jesus' photo, that Mr. Jesus is long gone.

    What is timely about this post is, the other day, when I was making breakfast, I burned the toast. And glory be, when I looked at it, there in it's glowingness was an image of Emma, Mother of Morey. I promptly put it in a plastic sandwich bag for protection, and posted it on eBay. So far the bidding is up to $70,000. Maybe I'll go out an get myself a new Pontiac!

  8. Well according to Ministry, "Jesus Built My Hot Rod" so I guess he could finance a Pontiac.

    That pic made me decide not to have another cookie today. Thanks!

  9. OK guys, you know that flick wasn't published in the Florida Times Union, but the story was.

    Heff... No gym will have her. It takes a wart hog to love another wart hog, etc.

    Enemy... lol Give JC a break. He's immortal, not Mary. Sort of like Ponce de Leon really did discover the fountain of youth and lives in Miami.

    JJ... lol, don't know where to start with a reply... hope you get the 70 large.

    Heidi... that pic made me skip breakfast. You're welcome.

    To all... Thanks for stopping by. Sorry I'm not a little more witty with my replies, I'm sorta down after hearing about Les Paul passing.

  10. Funny you should bring up Ponce. I was thinking of him just the other day. Remembering the good old days back in the '90's when we used to hang out at the sidewalk cafes in the Grove...drinking Scotch and youth water...checking out the senoritas...ah, yes.

    Hey, sorry to hear about Les, man.

  11. Yeah I've heard he, Ponce, has managed to collect a small fortune over three-hundred years or so and drives a vette. Quite a hit with the ladies, I am told. You might have been sitting next to him and not known it. What do suppose he looks like?

  12. You totally are not paying attention. Is it the lead paint you ingested in those ho houses you hung out in, or those funny little cigarettes, or too much time spent on Punch's blog. I said, PONCE AND I use to hang in the Grove hitting on senoritas, and occasionally a frauline...ach.

    I can tell you what he looks like. Old...very old, which isn't all that bad, but the flies, oh God, the know, the Spanish Flies. God they would get in our Cuba Libres, and in our hair, and in our pants (which is what we were trying to the senoritas, you know), so it was difficult to even have a conversation. By the way, he lost his money in the real estate bust. Drives a used Yugo, or so I'm told.

  13. Sorry JJ. I think it's all of the above. However, serves the bastard right! Drank all the holy water and left us with a sulfur water well in a tourist trap.


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