Friday, June 19, 2009

Hugh Hefner fucked us up

This blog will endeavor to explore Sins of the flesh and soul as well as Non-Sinse, or the omission of sin, which in itself can still be sinful. An example of Non-Sinse would be reality television, something that isn't a sin in the vernacular but is certainly a sinful waste of time and space. I was trapped into watching part of some sort of a celebrity survival thing the other night that was the most shameless piece of shit I’ve ever seen on television. Worse than Judge Judy.

However today, I'm going to discuss something truly Sinful. Or rather, someone. How Hugh Hefner fucked us up.

Somehow, in some perverted way, Hugh Hefner has made all men believe that they have to be great, not just good, but great lovers (as if there really were such a thing). Somehow, he persuaded us that the reason we were put on this earth was to bring pleasure to women. And not just one, but several. The Playboy image: suave, debonair, smoking jacket, pipe and martini was the way to go boy. You ain’t nothing if you ain’t that. I know men well into their 60’s who still cling to the hallucination that some young chick simply can’t resist their suave persona. Or, guys in their Hummers and pickups who hang balls from their trailer hitch. Redneck Hefner-ites.

To make matters worse, women too have bought into this crap. The average, and I mean average, American Princess expects, no, demands a male partner devoted to her every need and whim. Add the phony baloney Hollywood image of the perfect American family (re: June Cleaver) to the mix and it’s easy to see why we Americans have the worst relationships and highest number of divorces on earth.

Anyone who’s spent any time at all in another culture knows what I’m talking about. In Europe, when you meet a woman you know right away where you stand. None of the coy games American women are so fond of. None of, once you’ve hooked a guy, spending the rest of your life trying to make him fit into the Hollywood mold. None of believing you have to be a sexual Olympian every time you jump in the sack.

I’m not saying that many people don’t find and enjoy mature, rational relationships. But I am complaining about the ration of shit you have to go through to finally get there. All because of totally unrealistic expectations of what "true love" is. What cool is. First fostered on us by Mr. Hefner.

How generations of us let our sexuality be influenced by this pathetic shyster is a mystery to me. But then, so is Judge Judy.


  1. Mr. C, damn man, you got something against the silicon industry in America?

  2. I think the greatest damage done by the Hefe' was the use of air brush on the phototouching. Shame, Shame, Shame.

  3. I can see that I need to expand my readership. I am obviously communicating with two of those guys I'm talking about... Hefner-ites. Jez!

    I guess I should slow down a little. Afterall, they say there is no more obnoxious non-smoker than a reformed smoker and that first centerfold of Marilyn... Ooooo la la

  4. Well i knew it would come to you sinses sooner or later.

  5. Too many guys spent time reading Playboy for the articles rather than just looking at the pictures and beating off.

  6. Sorry to say I'm of the former Walking Man. I don't know which is more potent, mental masturbation or physical. The Taoists claim that a man's longevity is limited by three things.. number of breaths, number of heartbeats, and number of orgasims. Orgasims use up all three so you had better start reading National Geographic.

  7. If life were determined by number of orgasms then I'd be dead already or would have been destined to live for 500 years.

    But the statement was specious in that it was the articles that described and taught a generation how to live that certain Hef way. A myth I may add I never bought into, couldn't afford the sound system to start with or the art collection to invite a young lovely back to my apartment to view.

  8. I also hold him responsible for the unrealistic expectations of a woman about what her body SHOULD look like because of comparisons to those playboy bunnies but well Barbie did that also


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