Friday, June 20, 2014

To Friend or Not To Friend

I frequently get friend requests on Facebook from people I don't know. Of course, we have 6 degrees of friends in common but still, I've never personally met this person that I can remember, and see no reason to clutter my wall with their stuff and could care less about playing "he who has the most friends wins" and have always somewhat looked down on those who play that game.

(The blog game is played the same way and when I initially got into blogging the object was to go out and "follow" as many people as possible because, obviously, the larger your following the better your blog, right?)

But, then I noticed that I have 143 Facebook "friends" and I asked myself, do you really know that many people? How many of these friends actually know you by name when they see you? So, I decided to wade through them to find out and was somewhat surprised to see that all but about 6-8 of my friends I know personally, by name. Throw in all of the people in my life who are not Facebook friends and wow, you've got a village, and I don't think of myself as a particularly popular guy. 

Don't really know where this is going except to observe that knowing this many people is a dynamic new to human kind and I wonder about the ramifications.

14 comments:

  1. ha, your following means little in general...
    i gave up FB years ago because way too many superficial friends...
    its cool you knew most of yours....i def have a great group of friends i trust and
    know will have my back if needed...and quite a few i have only ever met online
    which 8 years ago, i never would have believed possible...

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    1. I know what you mean about the online friends Brian. Over the years I've sort of gathered a group friends like you, whom I've never met but feel I know. It's a cool ramification of the communication age.

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  2. I got on Facebook when there was three other people, didn't like them, cancelled my account, never looked back. People in my "tribe" (that would be on and off line) are either people I like (or love) or people I respect. I can't really see any other reason to have someone in my circle otherwise. So it's a combination of family and meritocracy.

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  3. I'm connected to a lot of glass artists I have never met and I have connected with some total strangers who feel like they have been friends for life. People I have never met show me things that I might not have ever come across otherwise. I rarely accept friend requests from men that I don't know or don't have some reason to connect with (like glass art) or several people in common. I had a much younger picture of myself as my photo for awhile and I got droves of men (and an occasional woman) looking to 'friend' me. When I expressed surprise at that to my daughter she told me, Mom, it's your profile pic. oh. I changed it to one of me at my current age. the requests stopped.

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  4. When I was a teenager, it was popular to have "pen pals." Remember pen pals? I had them from all over the world! One of the reasons I'm so good in geography. Someone today mentions an obscure country? "Oh, that's in West Africa...I used to have a pen pal there!"

    I look at Facebook as the modern version of that. I know most of my Facebook friends personally, but a number of them I've met through blogging, common interest forums on the Internet, or through friends of friends. If you do it right, you can build a great community of support and shared interest. I agree with what Ellen said - some feel like they have been friends for life.

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    1. I do have a very good circle of FB friends and I learn of a lot of good happenings through it, so, I'm not bad mouthing it.

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  5. Do you mean ‘knowing’ as in knowing in real life? To speak to and by name and what they eat for breakfast?

    I know lots of people in the village but since nobody does Fbook - neither do I - that wouldn’t be much good. They don’t do blogging either and I don’t want them to follow me because then I must stop being rude about them.

    I have little idea who most of my followers are; the ones who comment and whose blogs I read are the minority. Really and truly, this is all very silly, isn’t it? And yet . . . .

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    1. One of these days one of them is going to find out about your blog and then...

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  6. I'm not really bad-mouthing Facebook or lobbying for or against lots of friends. I think my major point was lost in the conversation. The thing that fascinates me that, for the first time in history, any of us can have over a hundred friends that we know by name. This has never before happened throughout history and I wonder about the socioeconomic impact of it.

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  7. Mr. C.
    I like the wondering you are doing... these ruminations are one of the things that make for good reflection on what important words mean... like friend, and follow. And also on how technology is now a real part of how people interact and " know" each other. Nice post and good comments.

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    1. Yes, it's really redefining the word village. Our villages are quickly becoming a bubble of widespread friends that overlaps other villages. The question is, do the coalesce into something greater? Are we evolving into a hive hierarchy? So many questions. So little brain.

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  8. I went off FB because I noticed that I am friended with people who I don't even talk to when I see them?! No. Nonsense. No more.

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    1. Actually, Facebook helps me keep connected to friends and events that I otherwise might miss. Also, it's really good for forming a workgroup and sharing comments and information, including audio and video. Me and my musical partners share information constantly on it that we would otherwise have to do only when we can get together. I guess it's like anything else, the good, the bad and the ugly.

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