20 Truths for Mature Humans
1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is a need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet anyway?
6. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my own neighborhood.
7. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
8. Bad decisions make good stories.
9. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a time at work when you know you're not going to do anything productive the rest of the day.
10. I hate it when I just miss a call by the last ring and when I immediately call back it goes to voice mail. What the hell?
11. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer should they call.
12. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet that on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Budweiser than with Kay.
13. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I saw as a kid and realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
14. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
15. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
16. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front.
17. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants, pants never get dirty. You can wear them forever, especially jeans.
18. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber and dumber each year?
19. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you're going to die because you have leaned back in your chair a little too far.
20. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but I hate bicyclists all the time.