It turns out that those zombies really are amongst us and have been for some time. Of course, as written in the first chapter of God's little book of Funny Tricks to Play on Humans, the damned things are invisible until it's too late. And, playing right along with the script, they creep in over many lifetimes so that even if you do find them out and try to warn everybody, there's little evidence of them so everyone thinks you're a nut case.
I AM NOT A NUT CASE! I am here to alert you to one of the most insipid creatures ever devised by our loving and caring God... The Zombie Fungus.
These things invade your body and slowly replace all of your living tissue with their own. While doing this, they first take over your mind and drive you to do things that you would never do for their own benefit. Then, they grotesquely enter the world as horrible creatures that spew their spores into the wind to propagate and multiply and invade more and more unsuspecting bodies... including yours!
Look what it did to my pet tarantula, Newt!
Have you ever seen anything more horrible? One minute a loving, adorable little crawly, and within minutes, a rock-hard, horny demon (no, I'm not talking about Punch or JadedJ)! Science has a name for this thing, it's called a Cordyceps. Even the name is creepy. Now, in case you want to be a show-off and look the thing up on Wiki, I can save you the trouble. "They" claim that this thing only invades insects, but that's an obvious lie because look at Newt. He isn't an insect, he's an arachnid. Proof, yet again, not to believe everything you read. But you had better believe this.
This thing does invade humans. Just look at this picture.
I know you're probably saying to yourself, "Well, that's just some little brown guy someplace we've never heard of" but think again.
LOOK AT THIS! Think about it. Have you ever seen anything more zombie-like in your life? Beginning to make sense, eh? The pieces are beginning to fall together, right?
But there is hope. And, as usual, it's coming from China. You know, those Orientals have been dealing with things like this for centuries and they pretty much have controlling it down to a science. How do they do it? Why, of course... they eat it!
It seems this stuff is loaded with super something-or-others that makes athletes stronger, brainiacs brainier and, naturally, it gives you an erection. But none of this wimpy four-day crap... how about 40 days! Yeah buddy. That's what I'm talking about.
Still have your doubts? Check this out.