When someone close to me who is my age passes it always makes me consider my own mortality. I'm not a morbid person by any means, but from time to time as we grow older, we all have to take a look at how many years we can expect to have left in this world. But then, when I look back across my life I remember a time when I was made to believe that my demise could and would happen at any moment, because at any moment the Evil Empire could lay The Big One on us!! The Atom Bomb!
You remember the atom bomb? You know, the one that was going to blow us all to hell but you would be okay if you simply hid under your desk? Yeah, that one.
Well fear not, for the other night while searching for other things I came across a survivalist supply company who have got you covered. They have survival packages for every occasion. Weekend. Three days. Five days. Weeks. Months. Natural disaster, civil disorder and... the Atom Bomb! They have instructions on how to build your own survival bunker. In a field. In your back yard. In your basement. In your hall closet. If you will only follow their instructions and, buy their products, you are virtually guaranteed to be the only one on your block to emerge following the great knockout where you will then be willing and able to rebirth mankind in your own image.
Looking at this stuff reminded me of the bomb shelter craze of the 50's. But I have learned that the bomb shelter industry is still very much alive and well and in full gear today. Apparently people are so worried about surviving the Sword of Damocles that they are diligently digging holes, fortifying their basements, insulating their closets, and stocking them to the rafters with survival packs like the one above. I can only guess about arms and ammunition.
It's no wonder the military and law enforcement complexes are so powerful and well funded, they've got us all scared to death. We'll pay you anything, just keep those bad guys away. Lump in a bunch of Hollywood Apocalypse flicks and it's no wonder we're all paranoid schizos. And I'm not even going to talk about the doomsday pharmaceutical industry. JESUS SAVE US!
One thing unanimous amongst all the survivalist gearheads is this, you have got to plan ahead if you expect to survive the Big One. No lilly-livered airheads are gonna make it. No-sirree. And to help out even more, they have even provided us with a Survivalist Creed:
The Survivalist Creed: "The well prepared are under no obligation to endanger their own survival to assist those who have refused, for whatever reasons, to provide for their own welfare. Poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part."
"Come down from your Ivory Tower and face the real world," they elaborate. "Find out about day-to-day survival and long-term survivalism. There is so much happening in our world today, what with the Stock Market fluctuations, the Elections, Terrorism... we need all the help we can get!"
The Stock Market! Elections! Holy crap! What are we to do?
Worry not my liberal slackards for in an act of selfless humanitarianism and compassion, Mr. Charleston has done the research for you and produced a short film that will tell you point-by-point all you will need to survive the Big One. Grab a pencil and pay attention.