Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Don't Worry, It Ain't Alzheimer's. It's Just Plain Stupid!

Like most people, I jot down things I want or need to remember so as to be efficient and well organized and all that.  I'm really good about copying and saving things in my blog file for future use, even if I rarely if ever revisit them and end up dumping most of it in the trash.  And, like most people I also make a shopping list for when I go to the store so as not to forget anything.

Yesterday, I went to the store.  This is my shopping list.


On the way to the store I was thinking about what I might make for the evening's dinner and remembered a great chicken liver recipe that I had gotten from an old Jacques Pepin (my favorite chef) cookbook.  I had long ago given the book to my daughter so was trying to reconstruct the recipe from memory.  I remember it had something to do with cooking them in reduced red wine vinegar.  So, it was in this state of mind that I arrived at my neighborhood Publix, list in hand, prepared to make short work of this chore.

After carefully selecting a shopping cart (I hate those that have one wheel stuck or always try to turn in a circle) I hit the produce aisle for the tomatoes.  In order to get to the produce, you must first past through the bakery, where I spotted a small cherry pie that had my name on it.  What's wrong with a little self-indulgence? 

Tomatoes in sight, I decided to make some tabbouleh for lunch to go with the hummus already in the fridge and picked up a couple of bunches of parsley.  On the end cap I spotted a variety of horseradish sauces and chose one as I knew we were out and that I would eventually need some for the next time I wanted a Bloody Mary.  While there, I also picked up a couple of cucumbers for the tabbouleh and a package of mushrooms, because they were pretty and always come in handy for something.

I finally arrived at the tomatoes to find some beautiful ones on sale.  I guess the South Florida crop is coming in and we can now get them pretty fresh and not the gassed green ones from Mexico.  I'm doing great, one more thing off of the list.
 
Turning the corner I spotted the poultry section and was reminded of the chicken livers.  I selected what appeared to be a nice fresh package.  Then I remembered the red wine vinegar and turned up that aisle, grabbing a jar of olives along the way because I knew we were out and that I would want some with my tabbouleh or a dirty martini later on.  Got a nice bottle of red wine vinegar and turned into the next aisle where I passed some wild rice and thought, that would go good with the livers.  Done deal.

Now I'm getting excited.  Mouth watering thinking about all of the wonderful treats in store.

Gathering my resolve, I headed straight for the dishwasher detergent section.  Liquid for sink, dry for dishwasher.  Great, two more things off the list.  Saw aluminum foil and remembered we need some.  Alright!  Now I'm making real progress.  Next, chips and dip.  Grabbed a bag of tortilla chips and a jar of salsa I like (Tostitos Restaurant Style).  I can feel the Karma wheel spinning.  Elated, I put my head down and point myself straight for the toothpaste but in turning the corner, I passed by some fresh made sushi and remembered that I was hungry.  The sushi chef offered me a sample.  Ummm. Good.  What a great lunch that would make.  Bought a package.  2 tuna, 2 salmon, and a veggie roll.

Now I'm reaching delirium and decide that some Sake would go great with the sushi.  I go to the wine aisle and search and search in vain for Sake.  What the hell's wrong with these people?  No Sake?  What kind of hick store is this?  Okay.  Now my bubble is burst. Time to check-out and get out.  Can't wait to get home and tear into my sushi lunch.

I'm standing in the check-out line when I remember the toothpaste.  Leaving my cart, I make a mad dash through the store and grab two tubes of toothpaste (2 for 1 special) and make it back to my cart with time to spare.  Feeling better about myself, no paper or plastic I brought my own environmentally-correct bags,   I load everything into the car and head for home and my sushi lunch.

It was during lunch that I discovered the shopping list in my shirt pocket, pulled it out, and casually looked it over.  It was then that I realized I had forgotten the eggs and bread.

WTF!  No money and now, no breakfast!



23 comments:

  1. Yes, that is how we are. Chips and salsa make a good breakfast btw. At least you have a regular store with wine in it. Here, we have to go to one store, which is always a Walmart, and then down the street to the liquor store. Okies!

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    1. left over falafel and tabbouleh ain't too bad for breakfast either. Especially with a bloody mary.

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  2. HA! Been there, done that! Now, not only do I take a list, but I walk around the store with a pen in hand so I can mark things off as I go along. Otherwise, it'll be just like at home: go into a room and do a dozen things, and then leave without doing the one thing I went in there to do. Horseradish in a bloody Mary? Really? I had no idea. I like horseradish (have you tried horseradish cheddar cheese?) but didn't know anyone put it into a bloody Mary. (I just buy the bloody Mary mix and drink it as is sans the vodka. I know, blasphemy.)

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    1. Oh yes, horseradish is a key ingredient in a good Bloody Mary and most mixes include it. I like to doctor up the mixes with a splash of Worcester, a dollop of horseradish and a little celery seed. Brings it to life. But you see, therein lies the problem. It's know stuff like that that makes you buy all kinds of stuff at the grocery you don't really need. A Catch 22.

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  3. The wife sent me with a list and on it was TP. Toilet paper? Tooth paste? Tomato paste? I got all three.

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  4. Oh man, I was right with you on that food run. I knew you were going to forget the damn bread, but the eggs, too? Please, today I went out to get cat food and toilet paper, and came back without the toilet paper! What will become of us? Hey, at least you remembered you were hungry.

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    1. It's funny how we put our animals ahead of us. I can remember dog food or even bird seed, but forget the bread and eggs. Too much grey matter leaching into my hair.

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  5. I can relate. I've gone to the grocery store for salt. $60 later, I came home. Without the salt.

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    1. I think the grocers have got us figured out. They confuse us right at the door with two for ones and an array of pretty stuff you don't need. Obviously, it works.

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  6. Were you watching me doing my shopping yesterday?
    My list usually has a dozen items or so on it and the shopping trip is never meant to last long. In the end my trolley is full and I've spent twice as much money as I thought I would. That's when I actually remember to take the list with me. There are times without number when I get home and the list is still languishing on the kitchen table and reading it reminds me that I've forgotten the most important item for dinner.

    Supermarkets are the devil's invention. They see us coming!

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    1. This seems to be a common malady. I wonder if there's a drug for it.

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  7. man that cherry pie certainly set of a chain of fantasy and indulgence---but then that in itself is its own reward and worth missing a meal over.

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    1. Hummm, I hadn't thought about the possible cherry pie chain of events. The devil's workshop.

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  8. at least you remembered your list.. I make a list..with coupons and then leave it on the coffee table...duh!

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    1. The answer is, we've all got so many important things on our mind we forget the small stuff. Right?

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    2. I have left the list on the table so many times it's unreal. Especially after my wife and I carefully plan the week's menus and search the house to check whether we're out of the essentials.

      I then have to get my wife to repeatedly read the list back to me over the phone as I'm crashing about the aisles trying to get the things I remember before I forget them.

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  9. That cherry pie had your name on it??? Wow! Must have been some sort of Harmonic Convergence or something, Man. That's really freaky.

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  10. loved this post; i am now more convinced than ever that men may also experience their own version of menopause.... your outing resonates with my own grocery experiences over the last 5 or 6 years.... it's that wonderful time of life! every experience is literally an adventure.

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  11. harlequin if it is at all related to menopause then nobody told my body cos i've done shopping trips like this for the past twenty years and menopause isnt here yet!

    mister C that was a brilliant post. thank you!

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  12. An-n-nd, I walk through my whole life like this at sixty-four. Just tiptoeing through the tulips, baby. "Some people call me the Space Cowboy..."

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