Each year I summarily ignore them.
Not this year! This year will be different!
With my blogger buddies as my witness, I, Mr. Charleston, do hereby resolve:
1. To Lose 15 Pounds.
I have to confess, I am a glutton. I like to eat and haven’t the strength of character to push away from the table. I’m still well within the “normal” weight for my heigth but I’m uncomfortable in my clothes and want to get down to fighting weight again. I have formed a pact with the Peach Tart to accomplish this and invite anyone so inclined to join us. (Peach may not know this yet.)
2. To Stop Cursing.
Cursing is something I learned from my dad and perfected while in the military. It serves no useful purpose and is simply a bad character trait. With the exception of an occasional “What the fuck?” in this blog, I shall henceforth wash my mouth out with soap should an expletive escape my lips. (I wonder if there’s such a thing as pussy flavored soap?) Shit, there I go again… no, I meant strawberry flavored soap, dadgummit!
3. To Drink Fewer Martinis and Smoke Fewer Cigars.
This one’s pretty much a throw away as I’ve alrealy cut way back, but every resolution list has to have some easily achievable goals to keep the spirits up. Tonight being New Year’s Eve and all, I’ll drink a martini to this one and smoke one of the fine Fuentes my daughter gave me for Christmas.
4. To Quit Fretting About Things Over Which I Have No Control
Politics fits in this category. At least national and world politics. There’s not a damned, ooops, danged thing I can do about terrorists, the economy, health care, and the like and there’s no sense getting my blood pressure up over it. We’re all caught up in this machine which will eventually grind us up and spit us out anyway, so we might as well have a martini or two and… fuck, I mean dang, how the hell, I mean heck, am I going to cut back on martinis while the thieving bastards, I mean crooks, we dumb-asses, I mean… why the hell do we keep returning these people to office so they can rob us blind in the first place?
And how the hell am I not going to get pissed and keep my blood pressure down and quit drinking while these motherfuckers are laughing in our faces all the while they're robbing us blind? And you expect me to not shake my head over a dumb-ass population that just voted Sarah Palin the second most admired woman in the country, one percentage point behind… Hillary Clinton! WHAT THE FUCK!
5. To Get Involved In Positive Activities
6. To Be Kind To Children and Animals
7. To Make Myself a Better Person Spiritually
8.
TO HELL WITH THESE GODDAMNED RESOLUTIONS!
Who started this shit anyway?
I’m having a martini and a cigar and some of that coconut cream pie the missus just put on the table. Nuff Said.
Happy New Year Everyone!
Good, for a second there it sounded like you were cutting everything fun out of your life! (except for cigars, yuck)
ReplyDeleteWhat's that quote? "If you're not outraged, you're not paying attention." Something like that. So true.
I am SO with you. Happy New Year Mr. C!!
ReplyDelete-Dexter
You had me fooled for a minute. I have always thought January 1st is a bad time to make changes in your habits, where I grew up, it was the darkest, dreariest, coldest time of the year, so I tended to treat April 1st as the time to attempt do the things you mentioned. Happy new year.
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year Scarlet, Dex and Holte. I've always felt the new year should start on the Solstice, at least the celebration if not the calendar. I suppose that's to Pagan.
ReplyDeleteResolution #4 Is one I need to make, also 1-3 but I won't stick to those.
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year Mr.Charleston!
Love the retention rate slash attention span ya got goin' on in this here post, babe :-) but I'm gonna give ya a big ATTA BOY! anyway.
ReplyDeleteI can't recall EVER makin' a New Years resolution. But that way, I never let myself down. Besides, I sure don't need any additional reasons to feel like shit....I beat myself up enuff already!
So just do like *I* do: get yerself a "who gives a shit" attitude - ignore everything (phones included) 'n everyone (kids, too) 'n just keep fallin' asleep every chance ya get. That way, ya'll never overeat, ya won't turn into a chimney or a lush, 'n nuthin' 'n nobody will EVER get to ya!
That resolution stuff would be so much easier if we could just upload & update our bods the same way we can our blogs. Oh, well . . . Happy New Year, Mr. C!
ReplyDeleteNever, ever give up the pie.
ReplyDeletexo
Tricia
Maybe it is the word!
ReplyDeleteResolution is being missed used!
I have resolved that I am a reprobate. Therefore this year will be a cake walk.
Ok, Ok, a pie walk. But not an elephant walk. Not even the babies.
Best of All to you in 2010.
Fuck 'em. I will fight in my own way them that would eat me without a kiss first.
ReplyDeletebeyond that have 'nother fucking cigar and drink another martini.
Amen Brotha!
ReplyDeleteI am not a fan of the resolution, becuase I generally give them up for Lent.
Just stopped by to wish you a very happy new year!
ReplyDeleteKitty x
haha! Mr. C, happy new year ya ole smokin' drinkin' cussin' lovable fart! don't go changin'...just sayin'...
ReplyDeleteHa. I love positive thinking C. Smoke em if you got em (wish I could join you)...drink em...and fuck em. Best of the new year to you.
ReplyDeleteYou had me scared for a second, I have to admit. Welcome back in every kind of way!
ReplyDeleteI'm with you on losing the weight. Not sure about the cursing.
ReplyDelete