Saturday, October 10, 2009

How To Make A Woman Happy

The other day The Peach Tart did a post on men being liars and all-around scoundrels (all in good fun of course) so, when I got this email this morning I thought tit for tat would be in order. (Actually, for some reason I've never been able to get any tit for tats, it's always taken cold hard cash or quaaludes for me.) Anyway guys, here goes: How to make a woman happy. It's not difficult to make a woman happy...

A man only needs to be:

1. A friend 2. A companion 3. A lover 4. A brother 5.. A father 6. A master 7. A chef 8. An electrician 9. A carpenter 10. A plumber 11. A mechanic 12. A decorator 13. A stylist 14. A sexologist 15. A gynecologist 16. A psychologist 17. A pest exterminator 18. A psychiatrist 19. A healer 20. A good listener 21. An organizer 22. A good father 23. Very clean 24. Sympathetic 25. Athletic 26. Warm 27. Attentive 28. Gallant 29. Intelligent 30. Funny 31. Creative 32. Tender 33. Strong 34. Understanding 35. Tolerant 36. Prudent 37. Ambitious 38. Capable 39. Courageous 40. Determined 41. True 42. Dependable 43. Passionate 44. Compassionate WITHOUT FORGETTING TO: 45. Give her compliments regularly 46. Love shopping 47. Be honest 48.. Be very rich 49. Not stress her out 50. Not look at other girls AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO: 51. Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself 52. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself 53. Give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes IT IS VERY IMPORTANT: 54. Never to forget: * birthdays * anniversaries * arrangements she makes

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY 1. Show up naked

2. Bring booze

15 comments:

  1. Would not touch that with a ten foot pole.

    ReplyDelete
  2. You forgot to mention that we like our men to be a good dancer because you know what Mama says dancing leads to.

    I could go all feminist on you but I love ya and know this is tongue in cheek. In fact, there's lots of truth to it. However, I think a man would be totally happy if a woman showed up naked even without the booze.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Dadgummit Peach. Dancing. That makes #55 things. Thanks. This list will soon exceed the 108 Tai Chi movements. I believe you're right about the booze, although one often leads to the other.

    Love you too Peach and you know it's in jest, however, I wouldn't mind a little of the feminist comeback. As an old fart, it always makes me smile because I know... women own 80% of the stock and 100% of the pussy.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Mr. C---what Punch really meant was, if they showed up with JUST the booze, is fine with him.

    One curious item..."A gynecologist"? I don't know whether to ask the obvious, or just be disgusted.

    ReplyDelete
  5. A little something for you over at mine. Again.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I am so grateful that I never have to try to do anything other than show up naked with booze to make my woman...errr laugh.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Actually, naked with booze works for me. That in and of itself is the Feminist Comeback.

    Oy! The

    ReplyDelete
  8. Oops

    The word verification had "aging" in it which suggests the comeback isn't Feminist at all but, in fact, all about getting o-l-d.
    Yikes.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Do I detect a trend here... naked, booze, old?
    At my age it's no longer "Why don't we get drunk AND screw" but rather "Why don't we get drunk OR screw!"

    ReplyDelete
  10. Speak for yourself C.

    OK, explain number 15 (fabrication does not count).

    ReplyDelete
  11. JJ... I noticed over at Intelliwench's site your self-description (quite accurate I might add) of "having nothing to do with refined tastes and manners." This is something quite self-evident to anyone who has spent any time at all at the Banquet of Consequences so it certainly comes as no surprise that you would dwell on the one unsavory item in an otherwise light-hearted and harmless post. (One for which I took no authorship credit BTW.)
    Therefore, one should assume that since you refuse to "ask the obvious", to again use your quote you, that you will simply have to settle into being "disgusted", as no help from me will be forthcoming.

    ReplyDelete

Sorry about the comment thingy folks. Too much spam.