The other day The Peach Tart did a post on men being liars and all-around scoundrels (all in good fun of course) so, when I got this email this morning I thought tit for tat would be in order. (Actually, for some reason I've never been able to get any tit for tats, it's always taken cold hard cash or quaaludes for me.)
Anyway guys, here goes: How to make a woman happy.
It's not difficult to make a woman happy...A man only needs to be:
1. A friend
2. A companion
3. A lover
4. A brother
5.. A father
6. A master
7. A chef
8. An electrician
9. A carpenter
10. A plumber
11. A mechanic
12. A decorator
13. A stylist
14. A sexologist
15. A gynecologist
16. A psychologist
17. A pest exterminator
18. A psychiatrist
19. A healer
20. A good listener
21. An organizer
22. A good father
23. Very clean
24. Sympathetic
25. Athletic
26. Warm
27. Attentive
28. Gallant
29. Intelligent
30. Funny
31. Creative
32. Tender
33. Strong
34. Understanding
35. Tolerant
36. Prudent
37. Ambitious
38. Capable
39. Courageous
40. Determined
41. True
42. Dependable
43. Passionate
44. Compassionate
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
45. Give her compliments regularly
46. Love shopping
47. Be honest
48.. Be very rich
49. Not stress her out
50. Not look at other girls
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
51. Give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. Give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes
HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY
2. Bring booze
Would not touch that with a ten foot pole.
ReplyDeleteYou forgot to mention that we like our men to be a good dancer because you know what Mama says dancing leads to.
ReplyDeleteI could go all feminist on you but I love ya and know this is tongue in cheek. In fact, there's lots of truth to it. However, I think a man would be totally happy if a woman showed up naked even without the booze.
Dadgummit Peach. Dancing. That makes #55 things. Thanks. This list will soon exceed the 108 Tai Chi movements. I believe you're right about the booze, although one often leads to the other.
ReplyDeleteLove you too Peach and you know it's in jest, however, I wouldn't mind a little of the feminist comeback. As an old fart, it always makes me smile because I know... women own 80% of the stock and 100% of the pussy.
Punch... You chicken shit!
ReplyDeleteMr. C---what Punch really meant was, if they showed up with JUST the booze, is fine with him.
ReplyDeleteOne curious item..."A gynecologist"? I don't know whether to ask the obvious, or just be disgusted.
JJ... Please, oh please, ask the obvious.
ReplyDeleteHell, I'd vote for you.
ReplyDeletehahaha! You are SO right!
ReplyDeleteA little something for you over at mine. Again.
ReplyDeleteI am so grateful that I never have to try to do anything other than show up naked with booze to make my woman...errr laugh.
ReplyDeleteActually, naked with booze works for me. That in and of itself is the Feminist Comeback.
ReplyDeleteOy! The
Oops
ReplyDeleteThe word verification had "aging" in it which suggests the comeback isn't Feminist at all but, in fact, all about getting o-l-d.
Yikes.
Do I detect a trend here... naked, booze, old?
ReplyDeleteAt my age it's no longer "Why don't we get drunk AND screw" but rather "Why don't we get drunk OR screw!"
Speak for yourself C.
ReplyDeleteOK, explain number 15 (fabrication does not count).
JJ... I noticed over at Intelliwench's site your self-description (quite accurate I might add) of "having nothing to do with refined tastes and manners." This is something quite self-evident to anyone who has spent any time at all at the Banquet of Consequences so it certainly comes as no surprise that you would dwell on the one unsavory item in an otherwise light-hearted and harmless post. (One for which I took no authorship credit BTW.)
ReplyDeleteTherefore, one should assume that since you refuse to "ask the obvious", to again use your quote you, that you will simply have to settle into being "disgusted", as no help from me will be forthcoming.