Tuesday, October 27, 2009

An Equal Opportunity Blog

Since my last post was about MaryJane I thought I might give equal time to my next favorite consumptive sin... liquor. Now we all know the good and evils of the brew so I thought it might be helpful to expose some of our fellow imbibers who, no matter how hard they try, simply can't seem to avoid the long arm of the law.
62-year-old Dennis LeRoy Anderson was charged with a DUI after crashing his lawnmower-powered La-Z-Boy into a parked car. The "vehicle" was equipped with side view mirrors, a boombox and cup holders.
David Allen Rodgers was driving the 'Steppin Out Dance Studio' float in the Christmas parade in Anderson, South Carolina, when he pulled out of line to pass another float and then sped off. Rodgers was, of course, drunk when he drove the float and its performers three miles away from the parade route before being apprehended by police.
Melissa Byrum York went for a midnight horseback ride totally blitzed and rammed into a police car. When the police tried to take her into custody for a DUI she tried to jump off the animal but caught her foot in a stirrup.
In England two drunk men tried to hitch a ride on a bottlenose dolphin after leaving a party extremely intoxicated. Michael Jukes and Daniel Buck were arrested for harassing the local celeb "Dave the Dolphin" after deciding to hop in the English Channel to get a lift home.


  1. I had to use the pseudonym Michael Jukes because otherwise it would ruin my reputation. It all seemed such a good idea at the time.

  2. I remember when the Russians were having a bit of bother in Chechnya and the local rebels captured a Russian tank and inside were two bottles of Vodka, these guys were on active duty, bombs and bullets and vodka, what a lethal combination.
    The old wooden ship British Navy would have had a mutiny a day if the old tars had been deprived of their daily shot of grog, a thick treacly rum, mixed with water also know as Splicing The Mainbrace, and the sweetest sound to their ears was "Double Rations". The Navy Rum Ration wasn't ended until 1970.

  3. Dave The Dolphin? As if it's not bad enough that your parents call you 'Dave', then two drunken blokes decide to use you as a jetski?

    Do we know how Dave was affected? Did he turn to hard women and soft substances? The world needs to know!

  4. Drunk driving a parade float... is nothing sacred?! I was really impressed by the la-z-boy thing though. At least he got creative.

    Thanks so much for the comment, trying to get back in the swing of things, it's been difficult as of late =[

  5. Mo... We all know who you are.

    Holte... I was once invited aboard the HMS Ark Royal by the admiral himself (It's a good story I'll tell sometime). Me and my buddy were hosted by a couple of junior officers who stood us a brace in the officers lounge which was a mighty fine bar if you ask me. I was surprised to find a fully functioning bar on board and was told the enlisted me had one as well but, unlike officers who had no limit so long as they didn't forget they were gentlemen, the swabbies were limited to two draughts a day. This would have been around 1986 or so.

    Matt,.. Hey, Dave Matthews is pretty famous and doing quite well. The rest of the story is... The two blokes actually tipped him quite well and he went into business as a personal jet ski.

    JP... not just a parade float, but one loaded with beautiful women. He may not have been so crazy afterall.

  6. I had forgotten all of the good times I used to have. Soon as the liquor stores open I am going to fine me a tank, a dolphin and, a lawnmower for modifying.

  7. Mama always warned me about drinking and driving so I just stay home and drink.


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