A Picture's Worth A Thousand Words

 

 

Of Cops, Guns, and God-Given Rights

Article in the local daily:

A mask, a shotgun and gloves - that's what a Gatorville police officer saw on a man early Tuesday behind a St. Nicholas apartment when officers responded to a home invasion call there.

What the officer didn't realize was that the masked man was one of three bail bondsmen another group of officers had helped at the same Mayfair Village complex minutes earlier.  In the confusion, two of the bondsmen were shot, with one dead and one critical.

WTF?  Masked, armed, bail bondsmen sneaking around in the middle of the night trying to apprehend someone who jumped bail??  But wait, there's more:

...police got a call for help from the bondsmen just before 2 a.m. to serve a warrant for a driver's license and motor vehicle tag issue.  They got no answer to their knocks and officers left, although the bondsmen apparently stayed and at least one of them put on a ski mask and was armed with a shotgun.

Police dispatchers later got a call from a woman in the apartment, saying she saw  "armed individuals... dressed all in black " outside...   That upgraded the call to an armed home invasion, prompting officers to take a  "tactical approach "... officer Jason Bailey saw the masked man with a shotgun behind one building and shot him...

This whole scene raises so many questions about bail bondsmen it's difficult to know where to start.  But here's the capper:

Linda Braswell, president of the Professional Bail Agents of the United States, said,  "The whole incident is unfortunate.  I know bail agents have the right to pursue individuals that have not appeared in court.  That is their God-given right ."

OK friends, let's hear from you.  Masks, guns, God-given rights.  Are we fucked up or what?

Live from the Rapture

Sent from my iPhone:  I can't believe it.  First, I can't believe that I was part of the Rapture.  And, I can't believe what I'm experiencing.  A heavenly feeling like nothing before.  As reported previously, it's as if all the weight of worries and depression, even concern for trivial matters like eating, have simply vanished.

I don't know how long my cell phone will continue working or even if you are getting these reports, but I'm going to keep broadcasting in hopes that the unclean left behind will get this message and see the light.

When it first began, I must say, I was terrified.  My soul didn't leave my body rather, it's as if my body became my soul and I began to slowly rise into the sky.  My fear was quickly replaced by awe and wonder.  I could see other souls from all over rising with me and we began to come together as brethren.

I met this really cool chick along the way.  She said her name was Sunshine.  We agreed to try to stay close during our assent into Heaven and to hook up after we arrived.

Heaven wasn't like anything I expected.  There was no great "rapture" or joyfulness, but rather, it was sort of like entering a football stadium, the crowd slowly moving towards their assigned seating and cuing into their various gates.  I looked around, frantically trying to find Sunshine, but she was nowhere to be seen.  I had no control of, or desire to try to break ranks and go in a different direction, I simply accepted my fate and flowed with the crowd.

I was in a half-dream state and couldn't wait to meet my maker.  The excitement was almost more than I could bear.

I went down a long corridor, a corridor lined with beautiful luminescent colors that grew warmer as I went along.  I then noticed that not only were the colors growing warmer, but the temperature as well.  Was it a Holy Sauna?  Before me grew a bright white light.  The light beckoned.  It was irresistible. My heart raced with excitement.  I was going to meet my maker.  Eternal Rapture lay before me.

Suddenly, there she was.  What?!!  There SHE was?  EGADS... it was... HER!

THERE MUST BE SOME MISTAKE!  This can't be. Was this Liberal's hell?  

I knew I should've joined the teabaggers.

 

Oh My God! It's happening!!

Sent from my iPhone:  I can't believe it!  I'm being Raptured!!  It's as if I'm lighter than air, floating above and out of the toil and troubles of the earth.  It's a wonderful feeling.  A freedom that can't be described.

I don't know if this is reaching my post or not.  I hope so.  I'll keep broadcasting as long as I can.

I'm so excited!

Proof that Vampires Exist, redux

Every now and then I check the stats on the blog to see who's tuning in.  Without fail, a consistent most popular post is this one.  It was first published in Oct. 2009 and it still gets 40-60 hits a week.

I'm reposting it for your enjoyment but particularly for the comments.  Scroll to the bottom of the comments and take a look and the nuts who populate zombieland.  You can't make this shit up. 


Throughout the ages, the myth of Vampires, the undead who “live” from the blood of the living, has persisted in all known cultures even into the 21st Century. Finally, we have photographic proof that Vampires really do exist. But first, a little clarification. 

The Florida Times Union has done a valuable comparison of Vampires, then and now, and I would like to share this with you as it could save your life because, these ain’t your grandma’s vampires. 

VAMPIRES THEN AND NOW (SIMILARITIES) Then: Vampires were things of fear and disgust. They could shape-shift to gain access to their prey. Sunlight was painful, debilitating and resulted in death if exposed long enough. Their goal was simply survival. Now: Vampires possess unearthly physical beauty. Shape-shifting may be alluded to but isn’t common. Sunlight causes pain but can be endured as they now try to blend into human civilization. Both possess more than human strength and speed and appear to have telepathic abilities. They, for all their strengths, remain vulnerable to humans. 

MODERN VAMPIRES BREAK THE RULES We’ve been told countless times ways to identify and possibly even kill a vampire, but those “rules” don’t hold true anymore. Vampires are not supposed to cast shadows in mirrors. Holy symbols such as crosses, crucifixes and holy water would debilitate a vampire. Garlic was a cure-all and was believed to repel all types of evil. Above all, a wooden stake through the heart, decapitation and burning were guaranteed ways to kill a vampire. 

Here are a few ways these rules have been broken: Modern vampires do not sleep in coffins. According to some experts, they don’t sleep at all. Sunlight? They avoid it. Not because it will kill them, but rather, because their skin sparkles like diamonds in the sunlight and would draw too much attention. Modern vampires cast shadows in mirrors. Another interesting feature is they cry tears of blood. Garlic sometimes works as a deterrent, but you must be cautious how you use it. Polish immigrant to the UK, Demetrious Myicura, was found dead in 1973. His room was covered in ceremoniously placed garlic. Said to have been terrified of a vampire attack, he choked to death on a clove of garlic he had placed in his mouth to protect him while he slept. 

There is only one sure way to destroy them, break out your 9mm Glock and immediately waste them with copper-clad, hollow-point bullets, which have proven to be most effective against these types. OK, as promised, photographic proof of Vampires.

A New Definition of "Tickled Pink"

This will brighten your whole week.

Past The Point of Caring... What does that mean, anyway?

Last night I picked up the guitar and was fiddling around when I fell into the Allman Brother's song, Midnight Rider.  I paused when I reached the lyric,

I've gone by the point of caring

Some old bed I'll soon be sharing.

Ever have those moments when you wonder how a word or expression came into being?  Well, this was one of those moments.

Here's the thing, it seems to me that the "point of caring" is an end point.  The point of it all, really.  The thing you work most of your life to achieve.

To care is to love.  To love is the goal of all spirituality.  Is to not give a shit somehow superior to, "past" or beyond the point of caring?

Doesn't seem right.

Blogger Ate My Comments

Blogger ate comments from my previous post.  I went from 7 to 2 overnight. WTF?

I've had trouble leaving comments on several blogs, including my own, and I vaguely remember others having trouble with comments disappearing as well.

Anybody know what's going on?  Is there some sort of Google virus attack happening?

The Guys Who Really Got Bin Laden

Vaya con Dios Simon

I'm doing a little house cleaning and un-following a number of blogs that no longer post, or have pissed me off for one reason or another, when I came across one that's been missing for a very long time... Simon's Ramblings.

Early on in my blog career I came across Simon's site (I believe I got it from JadedJ) and began following what was one of the most creative and entertaining blogs I've yet encountered.  Simon, an elderly English gentleman, created a fantasy world filled with lustful innuendos and illegitimate daughters (three of his followers) and included exceptionally well done fictional postcards and letters (presented as photos) from him to and from his past lovers, covering the circumstances of the births of his "illegitimate daughters," and most anything else that crossed his fancy.  All of it was very entertaining and prompted some of the most creative comments dialog I've had the pleasure of participating in.  And best of all, it was done with class.

The point of this is, Simon's been missing for a very long time and his blog has been taken down and I fear the worst.  I have no way of verifying this, but I believe Simon has passed on.  It's the first loss of a blog friend that has touched my heart.

So... turns out this whole thing's been a big mistake.  According to Doug, Simon is alive and well and simply quit blogging.  As dumb as it makes me feel, I'm really happy to learn that.


Nevermind.

Mr. C

Advice From A Martini Aficionado

A recent joint study conducted by the Department of Health and the Department of Motor Vehicles indicates that 23% of traffic accidents are alcohol-related.

This means that the remaining 77% are caused by those who just drink coffee, energy drinks, colas, water and crap like that.

Therefore, beware of those who do not drink alcohol.  They cause three times as many accidents.

Let Go Of Your Cocks And Grab Your Socks

"LET GO OF YOUR COCKS AND GRAB YOUR SOCKS," the drill sergeant screamed at 5am in the morning.  Without hesitation I did both, as did a hundred other guys who shared my boot-camp barracks with me.

A few weeks later it was reveille at 7am.  A few years later it was a Westclock wind-up alarm clock and finally, a clock radio.  All of these things served as wake-up calls to get us up and going in the morning.  Well,  now there's a kinder and gentler way to raise your sleepy head.  (Of course, it comes along now when I awake at 5am anyway, with or without an alarm clock.)

Ahhhhhh. Now doesn't that just make you want to get out of bed with a smile on your face and love in your heart?

No need to thank me, Mr. Charleston is always happy to help where he can.

This Ain't Your Grandfather's World

I grew up in a black and white world.  I believe most of the South, if not the nation, was that way.  There were whites and there were blacks and not much else.  A smattering of Hispanics and Asians, but that was about it. 

My buddy Punch came up for a visit this past weekend and on Sunday we enjoyed an event known as World of Nations Celebration.  Basically, a riverfront park is taken over by all of the different ethnic groups in Gatorville and they erect elaborate displays with trinkets, food, costumes and music representing their different nations and cultures.  The thing about it is, when this event first began about 20 years ago, there were maybe a half-dozen nations and cultures represented.  This Sunday, there were 35 nations represented including places such as Israel, Russia, Trinidad &Tobago, Peru, the Philippines and Ghana. 

One thing is perfectly clear, the days of black & white America are gone forever.  I don't know how much better off we are for it in some ways, but in-so-far-as music and food are concerned, we are most definitely the richer.